today is the first day of summer. and it rained. it rained hard. it rained old school. it rained with a fury. like a tempest. it was like a tempest out there. and my hair. my hair looked like — well it was just bad.
that’s all. i just needed to update.
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
‘oh yes I wish it would rain down. down on me. Now I know I wish it would rain, rain down on me now.’
—Phil Collins
haha! it’s not fdrunks. it’s drfunks. silly yeti. drinks are for kids!
No rain for YOU!!!
well I’m grunk! grunkl as shirt!
I’m not so grunkl that I will dance though. Oh no, that would just make it rain on you more. And now I’m withholding. Hmmph.
—phil collins
lol. retard.
she’s lump. she’s lump. she’s in mah haid. she’s lump. she’s lump. she’s lump. she might be dead! :O
–presidents of the united states of america
(i *totally* confused all the passing piranhas)
“come on and. party. siesta. forever. come on and sing along. mama say mama sa ma ma koo sa”
–lionel ritchie
(hello? is it me you’re looking for? hahaha what a slap in the face to the blind chick *that* was, and he meant it as a come on!)
hello??? it’s called IRONY. something you’re clearly not familiar with.
also? it’s lionel richie. not ritchie. and it’s fiesta. not siesta. cause a fiesta is a party and a siesta is a NAP. grampa. and also? it’s: we’re going to party. karamu, fiesta, forever. come on and sing along. what the hell with the mama say mama say koo — whatever…
are you high? now. who schooled WHO?
(smells like teen spirit…)
i wasn’t at the- I didn’t have any- No one told me about- I didn’t understand the- It’s not my job to- AUGHHH
You seem *way* too in to both lionel and putting me down. Why don’t you send out an email to all of London? huh? well? I had too much wine to effectively play this game. You win this round, but you’re still totally WRONGTEOUS.
M@
haha. i’m so not paying for those trousers. i have the WHOLE accounting department on my side.
but. but….
i’m not putting you down.
now i feel bad. i’m going to go iron my hands.
Those hands are DRY CLEAN ONLY! Naw, you weren’t putting me down. It was a shot fired to cover my retreat. And nothing hits yer bullseye like guilt
So I’m just going to put you down for 3 demerits and take it out of your bottom later, ok?
you’re evil. and that’s playing dirty. i’m taking my ball and going home.
good day to you, sir!