here is a universal truth about driving in seattle: i do it better.
actually, that’s probably true about driving anywhere. but i don’t want to sound egotistical or anything.
if there’s an accident within a 200 mile radius people here can’t help but slow down and gawk. and i don’t care the scope and magnitude of the accident. it matters not if it’s an eensy weensy fender bender or jaw-dropping, steel-crushing disaster that requires the jaws of life to free the occupants of the 900 ft SUV that will now be used for scrap metal. it matters not a whit. in fact, it doesn’t even really have to be an accident. if people 50 cars back on the interstate get wind of the fact that joe commuter ahead has pulled over onto the shoulder due to a nasty hangnail that prevents him from driving for a few minutes? they will immediately begin to slow down in anticpation of the rubber necking that will be required of them when they reach his car.
also? if they even see a police cruiser they freak. it doesn’t matter if they’re doing anything wrong or not. it could be a police car 12 lanes over. or one already engaged in giving someone else ticket. or body cavity search. or one from another freaking state. or just a car that happens to have a bubble on its hood that sorta kinda resembles a police car. doesn’t matter. they immediately slow down to minus 20 MPH. just in case.
this is the real reason I-5 moves so slowly. it has nothing to do with road construction or the volume of cars that must move through the corridor on a daily basis.
and don’t even get me started on inclement weather. you’d think living in seattle these people could handle a little rain. but sadly, no. one fat droplet of rain falls on their windshield and they’re ready to huddle together en masse at the underpass with sandwich board signs proclaiming, ‘the end is near’ –to mention nothing of what snow might do to them. it warps their brains and causes all manner of chaos.
all of this is just to explain why i’m always late. for everything. people should just understand this. it has nothing to do with putting on my makeup or trying to decide what to wear. it’s because of the rubber-necking gawkers terrified of policemen and weather. blame it on them that i’m never on time.
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
