Me: i’m all-aglow with anticipation!
Matt: oh good! that’s much better than aglow with radiation!
Me: isn’t it though? although — i could then possibly join the justice league or the league of extraordinary gentlemen. of which, there are most certainly women. don’t you doubt that for a minute.
Matt: hm thats true. or the…x-men or something. what would your power be?
Me: my power would be to …knock down humanity with my mighty stare of disdain, disgust, and disappointment. i would literally have looks that could kill
Matt: ohhh i would buy you sunglasses and then lead you around to look at people on my list.
Me: yeah? sunglasses are probably a good idea. you just never know when some idiot member of the human race is going to piss me off and set off the death stare that launches a million tears.
Matt: i would have you look at sooooo many people. and you could never, ever look at me.
Me: well, don’t be a daft cow. the stare would be controllable. it’s not like that loser eejit mutant from the x-men. what’s his name? cyclops? i can be perfectly normal. it’s just …you don’t want to act stupid around me. or say anything so completely inept and devoid of intellectual reasoning that it makes my stare itch. or, you know, you don’t want to be like the general population at large.
Matt: therefore. you can never, ever EVAR look at me!
Me: too late. i’m looking in your direction. RIGHT. NOW.
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
