i went to a movie last night. i like going to the movies. i like the movies and the viewing of them. generally. however. it seems that the last few times i went to a movie there was some loud mouth mothertrucker who didn’t realize he was at the movies and continued to run his loud mouth at a normal speaking volume throughout the entire movie. there are some things up with which i will not put. so. i mean, don’t get me wrong. i tried to be patient. i gritted my teeth through the fourteen commercials. endured it through the trendy kids singing how they would like to buy the world a coke and chill with it a while. suffered through it during the nineteen previews of banal clap-trap upcoming features coming to a theatre near you. but when we were ten minutes into the main attraction and he STILL would not shut the gaping hole in his face i couldn’t take it anymore. without even knowing i was going to do it i turned around and fairly shouted,
“SHUT UP! PLEASE! JESUS, MARY, MUHAMMAD AND VISHNU! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!??”
and he did.
but my companion burst out laughing then. and continued to laugh throughout the movie which then presented an even bigger problem. but at least chatty boy stopped talking.
i just don’t know what i’m going to do with myself. maybe buy the world a coke. and chill with it awhile.
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
You could always hire a DVD