so this one time i went to london and while i was there i met the queen of england. she was okay, but a bit stodgy. i kept hoping she’d dish about prince charles and camilla parker whatever her name is, because i just know she thinks that tramp’s an ugly whore who isn’t worthy of her precious seed, but she wouldn’t say a damn thing about it. she did tell me though that she had princess di killed and she wasn’t sorry she did it. of course she was in her cups by then and she swore me to secrecy and i lied and said, oh yes, of course. but this isn’t really telling. cause no one reads this thing and it’s mostly just me talking to the walls. london is dirty and crowded and people drive worse than people in seattle. i frankly don’t see what all the fuss is about. the queen sure knows how to handle a beer bong, though.
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
Yes, and you can trust me. I won’t tell anyone.
My grandmother-in-law had tea in windsor castle, but they didn’t have any scandle in those days