tonight i had a house full of boys. five of them. youngest just turned 5 and the oldest just turned 12. let me tell you: you haven’t lived.

my brother is getting married, right? right. i know! i’m surprised too. that someone would even want to share a car ride with him, much less a life is unfathomable to me, too. but there’s something for everyone, i guess. so somehow, this marriage thing translates into me babysitting. a lot. for like, a million different functions that i don’t particularly want to attend because, for some reason, the thought of contact with actual people frightens me and i’d rather demure and bow out gracefully by fidgeting like a two year old in desperate need of a pee while mumbling embarrassingly until i finally utter the phrase, “….but i’ll babysit for you if you’d like.” somewhere in the conversation. usually at a really quiet lull so that there is no mistaking what i said. add that all together and voila! you’ve got me on a saturday night babysitting five boys who —swear to god, at one point or other during the night, i searched every single one of their heads for a “666″.

all-in-all it was fairly successful in that no one lost a limb and i don’t have any court dates pending. i used my masterful grasp of creativty and the remote control to divert catastrophe. that and the good old standby, food-bribes. those boys sucked in the pizza like they had never before in all their lives been fed. which is, you know, astounding because every single parent said, “oh HE JUST ate.” when dropping off their precious angel. bullshit he did. better check that kid for tapeworm lady. he just about cleaned me out of house and home.

so also we did some crafty stuff too. because i didn’t want them to sit around and eat pizza while watching tv all night. god knows they all get enough of that watching daddy at home. hahahahahaha! oh. i kill me. i do! ahem, anyway. so shut up you about boys doing crafty things. okay? they’re like under 12. and most under 10. and also: it beats sitting on their asses watching the idiot box. and, also, probably it’s building something in their brain maybe. like maybe strenghtening problem solving skills and mathematical ability and maybe i’m building little scientists and chemists and architecs here. huh? did you ever think of that? maybe, i said!

so anyway, we made sock puppets. okay, and also? we didn’t use my old socks. god. what kind of a babysitter do you think i am? besides. my socks are too good for those brats. even the old ones.

so i bought a new bag of just plain white socks and some google eyes, felt, pompoms, buttons, yarn and small hats. we glued them all together and made puppet people. it worked really well for keeping them occupied for awhile and not fighting or breaking everything in sight. until they were finished. and then all hell broke loose because they started eating each other. they put the puppets on their arms and then chased each other around the house screaming and yelling, trying to “eat” each other’s puppet. so that was fun. can’t wait to have that brilliant idea again.

jacob made a puppet. you know jacob? my son? my own precious angel? his first was an adorable dog with brown felt ears, a red tongue that sticks out the side, two googly eyes, one with a black circle around it. he glued a brown pipe cleaner around his neck for a collar. and put a button on it. adorable. his second puppet? oh, he curled two pieces of black yarn, glued them under a black hat. made a jew. named him jewwy jewington. made a song about him.

we’re sure going to hell!