kaileb, it seems, has found love. or the puppy version of it anyway. what passes for it in the sixth grade.

this from the kid who just a few short months ago would literally plug his nose and make a noise that only dogs could hear whenever anyone mentioned the possibility of him having so much as a slight crush on a — GIRL.

this little strumpet has so bewitched my boy that every day after school now it’s colleen this and colleen that. see here: today he got in trouble. listen, it happens. boys get in trouble. it was pretty stupid anyway. he was playing in a fountain at recess with another boy and his teacher was afraid he was going to get hypothermia. hypothermia. i mean really.

widespread panic ensues and he’s sent to the nurse to ensure this doesn’t happen. great is my relief. i’m sure his extremities were turning black at a rapid pace and only by the grace of their quick and competent action was he saved. but whatever.

naturally the nurse took one look at him and said, “look, i’m for bumps and bruises and the occasional bandaid — i’m not for you. you’re fine. however, you shouldn’t be playing in the fountain. so i’m writing you up. you have to go to detention.”

nice. so he doesn’t have hypothermia. but now he has detention. thanks, teach.

but i digress. i picked him up from school and he relays the day’s events. on the way back to the playground after his write-up he says to his partner-in-crime:

“oh man. it’s game over for me. whatever you want from my desk, you can have. colleen is going to kill me.”

he’s eleven. twelve in may! !! and the poor schmuck already has a ball and chain

plus! PLUS. he’s changed his pants. which, okay, that’s a weird thing to say. but you have to understand about kaileb. he’s a creature of habit. he finds a groove he likes and he rides it. he has favorite jeans. they’re comfortable. he likes them. they have a hole in the knee and he’s just got it the way he likes it and he doesn’t want to change them. ever. i have to beg, plead, and threaten just to get them off him long enough to wash them. then he watches the dryer like a hawk just to make sure they come out the other end intact. woe unto me if i promise to wash them overnight and forget to throw them in the dryer before bed. that there is just grounds for him missing school the next day. seriously. i kid you not.

yet. this happened:

me: kaileb, maybe you should take colleen a gift.
kaileb: like what?
me: i don’t know. maybe like a candy or drawing or something.
kaileb. oh mom. i already changed my pants. she was happy enough with just that.

and so she was. that pleased her immensely, apparently. he went through his dresser and picked out every single pair of jeans he owned — and there were plenty to choose from — and tried on each one. with great care he weeded out all the too small jeans. the not baggy enough jeans. the too baggy jeans. the jeans that weren’t exactly the perfect jean shade. he went from an inventory of approximately 20 pair to exactly 7 acceptable pair of jeans. 13 pair didn’t cut the mustard.

that was last sunday. another pair has since fallen out of favor and been added to the discard pile. after he thought it over a bit longer he junked them as they were just “not the right color blue” for him.

which really means colleen won’t like it. most likely.

i’m not sure how to feel about this. i’m pleased that he’s found someone he likes. i’m glad he’s started to take an interest in his appearance and he’s finally started to realize there’s actually life out there beyond the scope of himself.

but really? 12? is this happening? isn’t that too young? is it that time already? what about his legos? they’re lonely in the closet. i realize it’s a passing phase. they’re far from picking out rings. they are but ships passing in the night. eventually either she’ll move on to another or the bloom will fade from the rose or i’ll hatch some elaborate scheme to break them up.

i mean, come on, he changed his pants. something must be done. desperate times call for desperate measures.