i remember when cell phones first came out. yes, i am *that* old. not old enough for a walker yet, but old enough to remember a time people carried on conversations with each other in crowded restaurants and airports and not tiny pieces of plastic permanently affixed to their ear. those were the good old days.

then along came mobile phones. i don’t mean the first mobiles. the ones that weighed as much as a toaster and were nearly as big. nobody owned those except rich, powerful executives and that was just one more reason to hate “the man” and everything he stood for. just another cultural divide. but when mobiles went mainstream i felt a steady throb in my temples every time i saw one and swore i would never, ever own one. i made myself a solemn oath. why would i possibly need such decadence? what is the deal with our avarice and unbridled addiction to “being connected”? there’s not even anything worth being connected to! no. it just isn’t for me. i’d sooner cut out my own tongue than surrender to this latest fad.

and then i had children. and then i got a job that required a great deal of travel. and then my mind changed. slowly, ever so slowly. i had to eat a lot of crow is, is the point i guess i’m making here. for all my rantings and ravings on street corners and bars, for every family member and friend who had to endure my impassioned and indignant speeches about the downfall of society through wireless, hands free communication, for every patron of every restaurant who ever braved my icy judgmental stare, there were more and more crow feathers to choke down.

i was broken. i purchased a cell phone. not only that, but i purchased a cell phone from verizon, who is arguably one of the most evil entities on the planet. they suck supremely. the depth of their stupidity is mind numbing. i deserve to go to hell. i won’t even argue. i would just be all like, “hell? it’s because i went with verizon isn’t it? oh. okay. i’m going.”

i signed on for a stupid two year contract with them, as one does, and it’s been about 30 years now and i’m still trying to figure out how they keep managing to reel me back in.

but i digress.

the point is i am now a cell phone carrying member of the populace at large and not only that, but we’re a four mobile family. and there’s only four of us! how did this happen? at first i justified getting one because i travel so much and i have to be able to call home when out of town to check in with the boys. that’s reasonable, right? calling from hotels is expensive and when i travel i rarely spend much time actually in my hotel anyway. pay phones have gone the way of the dodo bird and even if you can find one calling cards are outrageously expensive and there’s like 12 million numbers to dial before you can connect along with ridiculous fees associated with each call. i know. i went that route a while before actually taking the mobile plunge. it didn’t work. no. if i wanted to stay in touch with my boys i had to do it so i did. i didn’t even feel that horribly guilty about it. a mother will do anything for her children. if you had told me i have to eat worms or jacob won’t sleep well i’d probably find a way to work them into my diet somehow.

then matt moved in and he already had a cell. so what can i do about that? nothing. he’s a grown man and entitled to it. so now we’re a two mobile family. okay.

then jacob reached middle school and eveeerrryyyybody in middle school has a cell phone, mom. every!body! he started the campaign months before i caved. i kept telling him it was ridiculous for a 12 year old to have a cell phone. what for? who are you going to call? you don’t even know anybody. you know me. you know matt. you know your brother. and we all live together. okay, so he knows people at school. but he can talk to them at school. right?

but as we might have learned from previous entries, i’m weak. i caved at christmas and bought him a cheap, prepaid virgin mobile. this is okay because it’s prepaid and i don’t have to worry about him going over minutes or anything. that was my biggest worry. i’ve heard the stories. i’ve been around.

but then kaileb had to have one because you know how that song goes. what the hell?? am i man or mouse? i am a mouse. clearly. kaileb knows even fewer people. plus he’s not even allowed to take his to school. so whatever. i just bought him less minutes and a cheaper phone. like way cheaper. it literally cost me less than ten bucks at christmas.

and that’s the story of how we came to be a four mobile family when just a few short years ago i swore i would never own even one. go ahead. mock me now. point and laugh. cast your derision my way. i deserve it. however, i’m going to be ditching verizon when my contract is finally up. i mean it this time. i swear. virgin actually has decent customer service and comparable rates. i can buy their cheap phone and their cheap, prepaid minutes without being locked into a contract that promises them my soul and not feel quite so guilty and cheap about the whole experience. cheap still, sure. but not as cheap.

that’s got to count for something, right? i’m sure there was more of a point to this post, but i’ve forgotten now what it was. oddly enough, my cell phone rang and distracted me. so. the end! i guess. :/