in bed last night matt threw one out at me. it was vintage matt. “i think i have brain damage.”

naturally, i did what any supportive girlfriend would do. i laughed. “you do not. don’t be ridiculous.”

“oh no, yeah. i think i do. i’m serious. i think it was all those drugs. i think they gnugh –”

then he trailed off into something unintelligible. i’m pretty sure that was just for effect. it’s true he did his share of drugs back in the day. he was a wild, bad boy. he wasn’t always carpools and mr. responsibility. but i highly doubt he’s reached keith richards territory just yet.

“you don’t have brain damage. i think i would know if you had brain damage.”

“you don’t know! what about the drugs? the drugs, they did something to my brain!”

“look, people do way more damage to their brains just by not using them every day than by drugs. if you take a drug user and your average, lethargic, apathetic human, you’ll not see much difference in their brain makeup. the druggie is just speeding the process along is all. the average guy is doing himself in slowly.”

then he was quiet. i think he lost interest in the conversation and fell asleep. i don’t think he meant it anyway. it was just a throwaway gem. a matt being funny. as matt does.

then, as usually happens, the wheels started turning and i couldn’t shut down the motor. what if we’re just atrophying our brains slowly, ever so slowly day by day just by lack of use? i mean, yeah, we use our brains. to get from point a to point b. to make dinner. white or chocolate milk. the usual. but most of that we could do on auto pilot, really.

what if we’re supposed to be really pushing our brains? i mean, like writing the next great novel. composing awesome symphonies. something. so by not pushing the envelope, by only doing the auto pilot thing, we’re just basically deciding to destroy our brains with drugs, but without the fun of actually getting wasted. it’s just this slow, agonizing going.

thanks, matt! thanks for leaving me with that parting thought before bed! i’ll sleep much better tonight, after i compose this symphony and write this novel and find the cure for cancer, that is.

either that or i’m going to speed it all up and do an acre of blow.