the yeti and i have been having a difference of opinion lately about religion. mainly this: i think i’m god and he disagrees. the finer points of this argument entail things like, praying, bowing in reverence, begging for mercy and forgiveness, making sacrificial offerings and acknowledging my right as the giver and taker of life. i say yes, he says not just no, but no coupled with words i’m fairly certain were never included in any of the original psalms of solomon.
none of the lesser deities ever had to suffer these indignities. but as spiderman will undoubtedly tell you, with great power comes great responsibility.
yea, verily, the shepherd must lead the flock who hath gone astray to the green, green pastures of her bosom and into the fields of righteousness. but cripes, is it ever a chore when the flock is so hardheaded and stubborn!
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
In the name of the Kimber, the Amish and the Holy Lasagna. Look, it’s just that I draw the line when you want me to go out and kill a goat as sacrifice. The kitchen table is not an altar. we eat there! I already built that boat and it hasn’t rained in 7 days. And if you were God I wouldn’t have been able to whup your butt at the wii. Amen.
M@
thou shalt not question nor doubt me, thy god.
and medammit, don’t lie. i outfished you. outboxed you. outbowled you. i OWNED you at the Wii. don’t pretend i didn’t. DON’T PRETEND!
and bring me my goat!