i forget sometimes that people read this. i know, rationally, that someone is going to see it at some point. but since people rarely ever comment, i forget i’m not typing to myself. i rarely ever check my stats except when matt, who is convinced, bless his heart, that i should be a pulitzer prize winning author by now, implores me to do so. but it’s not often enough to remind me that there’s an audience here. he’s delusional and blinded by love, anyway. what does he know? but i do it for him. once in a while. he’s convinced that i’ll be the next internet superstar, the instant the right publisher stumbles along and is blinded by the brilliance of my writing. me? i’m not quitting my day job.

so when talking to a friend on the phone and they say, “oh, your blog was funny when you said so and so.” it always makes me stumble. first i stammer and blink hard about ten times. then i realize there’s been probably a full minute of silence and that’s awkward. blink. reset. then i make things worse by rushing to fill the silence. “oh you read that? ha. ha.” then i blush. hard. like, as in, you could hold a ripe tomato up to my face and you wouldn’t know where i end and the tomato begins. doesn’t matter if the entry they read was embarrassing or not, i still go red. just because i prefer pretending i’m all alone over here. it makes it easier to write. but also? i write some embarrassing stuff on here! sometimes. i mean, not always. i’m not crazy or anything. not totally. but sometimes i indulge in some things i probably shouldn’t say.

doesn’t mean i’ll stop. i’m just sayin’.

annnnyway. i’m not going anywhere with this. just thinking me thinks. you know, in case i happen to say something really humiliating. you’ll know and understand. i think i’m all alone over here. and, oh yeah, bg, this is for you: