matt and i are taking the boys to the drive-in theatre tonight for a double feature. we see it as doing our part to offset our carbon footprint. somehow. i’m not really sure how. i’ll justify it in some way.

look, this is getting fucking ridiculous. i’m not going to rag on and on about how asinine and hypocritical this whole “live earth” bullshit is because everyone else is already doing that and anyone with half a brain should already know better. but seriously? i cannot roll my eyes hard enough.

most political issues — and trust me, this IS a political issue– i don’t allow myself to get too worked up over because, meh, it is what it is and we’re all gluttons for our own doom. i find it difficult to get upset over senator blahdeeblah’s malfeasance because it was always thus and thus it will always be. we voted them in and we have only ourselves to blame. but this is pissing me right off. enough already. when will this die? it’s a fad. it’s fashionable. it’s the “in” thing right now. much like the pancho that martha stewart made stylish after her stint in prison back in ’05. remember those? see anyone wearing one now? of course not! common sense prevailed (mostly). thank god.

the difference between martha’s hideous pancho and the hysteria over climate change is that i could just snarl every time i happened to pass some enormously hideous woman wearing hoop earrings and a pancho like a tent over her spandex wal mart special polyester pants and then quickly turn my head away. global fucking warming is everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

last year kaileb had a fund raiser at school and i bought a subscription to nickelodeon and sports illustrated to support his fund raiser. both of those magazines had an “extra special” issue on global warming. okay, just – come on. picking on the kids is bad enough. let’s make them feel guilty so they can, in turn, bitch at us and say, “but mommm, nickelodeon magazine says all the oceans are going to dry up! think about the dolphins mom! THE DOLPHINS!”

but no, i’m not thinking about the dolphins. think about the men. those poor, men age 18 to 45 who read sports illustrated primarily for the sports scores and uh, whatever other sports-related things men read that magazine for. i’m sure they certainly don’t read it for a damn weepy review of how even major league baseball players are being guilted into “going green, for team america!” gah! i came this close to gouging my eyes out with a letter opener when that issue came. i kid you not.

the only one among al gore’s concert sycophants with a lick of humility and common sense was chris rock. in london he said, “I pray that this event ends global warming the same way that Live Aid ended world hunger.” and that about sums it up. it’s not going to do anything. it’s a free concert for a bunch of screaming hippies who want to roll around in the mud and pretend this is the sixties and they don’t have to bathe or shave and cheapskates who don’t want to pay for a concert. because if there’s one thing humanity can rally around, it’s getting something for nothing. but listen: there is no free lunch. we’ll pay in the end. what these egomaniacs are reaping we surely will sow one day, but hey — have fun at the concert! don’t get puke in your hair. and try to ignore the fact that you’re doing more harm than good. whoo hoo, celebrecauses!

this “benefit” for mother earth is another way to rip her apart and give us a guilty conscience about all the ways we’re screwing her up. it’s another platform for holier than thou, self righteous celebrities to stand on their soap boxes and say, “do as we say, not as we do.” and that doesn’t sit well with me. or the rest of the general public, clearly.

i realize we only have one planet. and besides the fact that i think they’re grossly misrepresenting the facts about global warming, the fact that i think they skew data to suit their needs and the fact that i think this planet has always gone through changes of this nature and will always go through changes of this nature — regardless of what we puny, insignificant infestations called humans do on the face of it — i do my part. i don’t need somebody babysitting me or browbeating me into it. in fact, i resent it. they didn’t take me to raise. and if they did then i want my share of their palatial mansions, limos and bank accounts, dammit. don’t fucking tell me to turn the lights off, use less water, carpool and recycle while you jet set across the globe and chug bottles of champagne with thousand dollar price tags in your limo on your way to the next overly lavish after party. and don’t fucking tell me you’re not doing that. don’t tell me. i’m not stupid. you’ve arrived at this place in your life and you’re not going back now. why should you? al gore. leonardo dicaprio. madonna. fucking hypocrites. don’t even try to tell me you’re going to give all that up.

but i said i wouldn’t go there. so i won’t. it just galls me that there are people out there who might actually buy into this thing. there are people who bought and wore the pancho! there are impressionable people who actually believe and fear and fret and worry that the things they do in the course of their every day life might be destroying the planet and they feel guilty because of it and it’s absolute bollocks! do what you can to be a good person, live a decent life, be as good as you can to the earth and be satisfied with that. the end. it’s not going to make a fig’s bit of difference in the end if you fucking do more than that.

and this joke of a concert certainly isn’t going to make a difference either. not in a positive way, anyway. it’s all about the money. it’s a vehicle of publicity for egos that know no bounds and have no qualms about exploiting our deepest fears and insecurities for their celebrity. even some of the puppeteers are puppets. it’s pathetically sad and maddening and i wish it would all go away.

yes, yes, i’m a cynical bitch. i’m mean for demeaning everything these brave, selfless pioneers are doing to save our planet. where would revolutionary change come from if not from the rich and powerful among us who tell us how to think and dress and walk and talk? pah! so what? i don’t care. i’d rather be a mean, cynical bitch who thinks for herself than a sheep following a herd right off the cliff. i’m just giving fair warning right now. if i have to watch much more coverage of this live earth bullshit, or listen to al gore’s horseyface drone on and on about “climate change”, or hear one more goddamn smarmy hipster talk about “going green” — the shit is GOING DOWN. the earth just better hurry up and melt because it won’t be pretty around here if i have to endure much more.

“Hypocrisy can afford to be magnificent in its promises; for never intending to go beyond promises; it costs nothing.” — Edmund Burke