You know what I really want to see? I’d like to live to see one celebrity tell the truth. Just one. That’ll please me immensely and then I can die a — well, if not happy, at least a little less bitter woman.
To be clear, I don’t agree with dogfighting. I love my pooches and if someone was to hurt them they would quickly find a stiletto to the crotch as their reward. But OBVIOUSLY, not everyone feels that way. Michael Vick, for instance? Okay, look. He came out and said, “Dog fighting is a terrible thing.”
What? Bullshit! I call bullshit. You were doing it. You hosted it. Don’t insult my intelligence and tell me you think it’s a terrible thing. You clearly don’t see anything wrong with it, you damn fool.
Don Imus, okay? It’s rude to call someone, anyone, a nappy-headed ho, Don. You should know better. But guess what? You’re a freaking SHOCK JOCK as well as a giant tool. That’s your thing. It’s your gig. You meant it to be amusing and funny, albeit darkly funny and inappropriate. Why the bloody hell are you doing the apology circuit now, kissing the ass of that degenerate bottom feeder better known as Sharpton?
FFS, this is what I would like to see:
Press: Dogfighting? Really, Michael Vick?
Vick: Yeah. So what? I don’t think it’s wrong. I don’t agree with the law. I did it. I got caught. So fine me, imprison me, whatever. But I did what I did and I’m not sorry.
Press: Racist, misogynistic humor, Don? Why, oh why?
Imus: Oh STFU. Have you never listened to my show? Grow a sense of humor you P.C.-loving troglodyte.
Just once. No back peddling. No lip service. Just honesty and unflagging, unapologetic admittance. Will it get you in trouble? Probably. Will you most likely lose your job and a lot of money? Most definitely. But at the end of the day you’ll have your self respect and dignity and you’ll maybe win a few new fans who appreciate the lack of bullshit being slung their way. It wrecks me.
Ha ha and oh well, not in my lifetime. This culture of fear we’ve created is just too appealing. And nobody wins. Nobody.
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
I would also like to see that. I would like to see it from noncelebrity people too. “Yeah, I did it. I am only sorry I got caught. If you can’t live with it, I’ll send flowers.”
Or maybe I would really just rather see genuine remorse. If being ‘sorry’ wasn’t such a marketing rollout it might be better. I mean, a little shame, people!
M@