You know what I really want to see? I’d like to live to see one celebrity tell the truth. Just one. That’ll please me immensely and then I can die a — well, if not happy, at least a little less bitter woman.

To be clear, I don’t agree with dogfighting. I love my pooches and if someone was to hurt them they would quickly find a stiletto to the crotch as their reward. But OBVIOUSLY, not everyone feels that way. Michael Vick, for instance? Okay, look. He came out and said, “Dog fighting is a terrible thing.”

What? Bullshit! I call bullshit. You were doing it. You hosted it. Don’t insult my intelligence and tell me you think it’s a terrible thing. You clearly don’t see anything wrong with it, you damn fool.

Don Imus, okay? It’s rude to call someone, anyone, a nappy-headed ho, Don. You should know better. But guess what? You’re a freaking SHOCK JOCK as well as a giant tool. That’s your thing. It’s your gig. You meant it to be amusing and funny, albeit darkly funny and inappropriate. Why the bloody hell are you doing the apology circuit now, kissing the ass of that degenerate bottom feeder better known as Sharpton?

FFS, this is what I would like to see:

Press: Dogfighting? Really, Michael Vick?
Vick: Yeah. So what? I don’t think it’s wrong. I don’t agree with the law. I did it. I got caught. So fine me, imprison me, whatever. But I did what I did and I’m not sorry.

Press: Racist, misogynistic humor, Don? Why, oh why?
Imus: Oh STFU. Have you never listened to my show? Grow a sense of humor you P.C.-loving troglodyte.

Just once. No back peddling. No lip service. Just honesty and unflagging, unapologetic admittance. Will it get you in trouble? Probably. Will you most likely lose your job and a lot of money? Most definitely. But at the end of the day you’ll have your self respect and dignity and you’ll maybe win a few new fans who appreciate the lack of bullshit being slung their way. It wrecks me.

Ha ha and oh well, not in my lifetime. This culture of fear we’ve created is just too appealing. And nobody wins. Nobody.