Jacob sent me the AOLer Translator. Just for kicks I decided to translate an excerpt from my blog. Here’s the original:
When I was young I romanticized everything. Everything was a grand adventure and something wonderful to be discovered, even the tedium I didn’t want. I don’t do that so much anymore. These days the only time I get like that is when I’m premenstrual and the hormones are raging an all out war for control of my mind and body. If at home when that happens the noise is drowned out by endless chores, yipping dogs, squabbling children and Law & Order.
I know, right!? So deep and …uh, philosophical, huh? And heeeere’s the AOL translation:
WH3N I WAS U I ROMANTICIEZD EVERYTHNG!11!11 WTF LOL AVERYTHNG WAS A GRAND ADV3NTURE AND SOMETHNG WOND3RFUL 2 B DISCOVERAD 3V3N TEH T3DIUM I DIDNT WANT!11!1111 OMG WTF LOL I DONT DO TAHT SO MUCH ANYMORE!!1!11!1 WTF LOL TH3S3 DAYS TEH ONLEY TIEM I G3T LIEK TAHT SI WHAN IMM PR3M3NSTRUAL AND DA HORMONES R RAGNG AN AL OUT WAR FOR CONTROL OF MAH MIND AND BODY!1!!!111 LOL IF AT HOME WH3N TAHT HAPANS DA NOIES SI DROWNED OUT BY ANDLAS CHORES YIPNG DOGS SQUABLNG CHILDRAN AND LAW & ORDAR!!!11 WTF LOL
I know what you’re thinking. What an improvement! I particularly like how it’s all in caps and the spelling and punctuation is vastly, like, better and stuff. Totes def!
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
