Matt has this friend, right? Listen to this.
When my mom was like nine, she thought that clowns were born that way and she was scared that when she had kids they would be born clowns. Years after telling us this she now says that she was right all along and had three clowns. But anyway, she thought that clowns were born with the white faces and red noses and big feet or something. But what i just realized is how funny it would be if clowns were actually born that way. And then the payoff, after the doctor shows the baby to the mother saying, “Congratulations, you’ve had a clown!” the doctor starts pulling on the umbilical cord like a handkerchief out of the mother’s uterus. And it keeps going and going. I dunno, maybe it’s because I’m drunk.
Yuk yuk yuk.
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
