This has been the day. I reject the notion that I am exaggerating. I bolted out of bed and spun around three times. I couldn’t find the phone and it was ringing. I couldn’t find it and it was loud. I opened the bedroom door and ran through the house looking for it. The floor was freezing on my feet and I was panicked. I finally found it and (for some reason) ran all the way back into my bedroom before answering and then yelled, “Three for the table, Three!”

Of course there was no one there. I stared at it for a minute and then frowned and put it down. There was something I was supposed to be doing, but I couldn’t remember what. I turned around a couple more times, still frowning. I spotted my laptop on my desk and moved in that direction. I sat at my desk, still in my pajamas and checked my email. Nothing there made any sense. Here was something to make my penis bigger and something from a sponsor and cheap, legal vicodin and a test to grade. I wasn’t even aware I had a penis. If only I could concentrate! I glanced over at the bed. Oh yeah! I was sleeping!

I moved back in that direction. I pushed and shoved at Poe and then begged and pleaded until I finally managed to carve out a small corner of the bed and just a small snatch of the blanket. Just enough to allow me to find sleep again.

Until Kaileb burst in the door five minutes later. “MOM, WHERE’S THE WAFFLES?” This is his idea of whispering. I told him where, in the only freezer we have, to find them. He apparently found them because he came back two minutes later to “whisper” at me again. This time he couldn’t find the syrup. I told him where to find that too, but he had already looked there. Naturally this is childspeak for, “You’re not going back to sleep.”

I got up, got him off to school, came home, had breakfast, had a nine o’clock conference call, a ten o’ clock meeting, worked until 2:30, picked him up at 2:30, went back to work until 5, came home, made dinner, broke down crying because of two ants, broke a potted plant in the kitchen, had to make a new pot of macaroni and cheese, helped with homework until 10:30, and now I’m done with housework and everything else and I’m writing this.

Also, there was this. This actually happened. We now live in a world where people either aren’t familiar with, or have forgotten what a library is. This, sadly, is where we are. This is our handbasket in which we will descend into hell.

It’s called a library. Google it.