I can’t believe the spam email I get. Sometimes, instead of just junking it immediately, I will peruse the subject lines and content of some of these beauties. I’m telling you, the world is awash in hysterically, darkly creative people all wasting their talents away in the spam industry. Need proof? Here’s the subject lines of a few gems from this week:
“Immense augmentation of your tool”
“Get a rod of colossal measurements”
“Bomb her womb from your huge canon!”
“Witness a miracle happening in your life”
“Don’t let her laugh at nights on your inability to satisfy”
“problems caused by ya tiny PE?”
I’m not sure what my PE is, but it’s probably too tiny and causing me problems. Sure. Why not?
“Dodn’t you just want to run away when cannot satisfy_your_gf?”
I didn’t say dodn’t. They said dodn’t.
“your expected xmas gift will be your increased PE!”
Xmas? Xmas is a long way a way. I would hope they have a better fulfillment center than that. There’s nothing worse than a sex shop that doesn’t fulfill.
“New gigantic rod is easy to get!”
“Don’t blame us for not telling you about this herbal revolution”
Yeah. Don’t blame them. They did everything they could. They won’t have that on their conscience.
“Our target is your happy life”
“You can also forget about losing your erection in the middle of sexual intercourse”
That sounds like a threat, actually. So does the one before it. “You can just forget about ever having sex again, mister. Our target is your happy life. It’s going down.”
“If you have a small penis and it bothers don’t lose heart.”
“Be not afraid to vary and change the life, after all, all becomes to the best.”
That sounds awfully philosophical for a Viagra pusher. More like a meditation than an email subject line.
and my favorite:
“It is well known that women”
Women what? What do women do that is so well known? I’d like to know!
But alas, the email will not yield easily its secrets. It’s shrouded in an air of mystery. Just like my tiny PE.
Seriously, bomb her womb??
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2 Responses to I call this one “Peter”
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
I can’t get over how many ways there are of saying the same thing. The best ones seem to find their way into my google spam.
Since I own three public domain names, I get about three or four thousand spam emails each day. Some of the titles are very creative, some have me shaking my head in disbelief. I never knew I had a penis, either, but when I find it, I’m gonna make it bigger.