The fights, oh the fights! And then when you decide one or the other was the instigator and punish him a bit more than the other, and then the punished one hollers and screams that “you always take his side!’ So then, often, in utter frustration – you just send them both to bed (or off the puter or the xbox) and the ‘victim’ screams, “But I didn’t DO anything!”

I’m often so sure that the three of us are going to come out of this whole mess as giant piles of HATE – and we’ll never get over it or be normal again and I’ve ruined them and I haven’t properly shown them the way.

It. is. just. so. hard.

You are SO in my Google reader now, woman!! Absolutely bitchin’ to meet ya!!!

What you have to remember, is that if you weren’t a good parent who wants to do the best by her children you wouldn’t be second guessing yourself at all. The very fact that you do so means that you care enormously – and that, to me, is the essence of good parenting. No-one can tell you exactly how to do it – that’s for you to decide – but you need that commitment to your children’s welfare, that spark and dedication, and the strength to do the right thing no matter how hard or painful it is.

And don’t forget that truism about parenting. You can never be a perfect parent. The perfect parent doesn’t exist. And children need you not to be perfect so that they can learn that it’s human to fail, and you can teach them how to handle that, too.

And it’s always nice to hear you’re not alone. Other parents go through this. Sometimes I get to feeling like I’m alone against it, I’m all melodramatic. Hand to the head. Woe is me! In a barren wasteland of uncertainty and regret — not to mention the nagging suspicion that my kids will hate me (and each other) for life. It’s good to know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

Hang in there, it will pass, and yes, you’re doing absolutely the right thing. Mostly I used sanctions too.