Oh my god! And I almost forgot. This also happened:
Matt was surfing the web and he came across some website that talked about robot hookers. Seriously. They’re like animatronic blow up dolls and men have sex with them. So there were some questions on this site. Does that constitute cheating? What if you walked in on it and witnessed it? Would that bother you? Would you be more or less upset if it was a celebrity lookalike robotic hooker? What if it looked like someone you both know?
I am not lying to you, these are the types of conversations we get into.
So he, of course, pressed me to answer them. I told him I thought it was basically just another form of masturbation, so I wouldn’t be particularly bothered by it, so long as it DIDN’T resemble anyone we know. Besides, sex machines for women have been around forever and I don’t hear anyone grumbling about that. That’s basically what it is. A sex machine.
But then, we were watching some SNL clips and a parody commercial came on. It was for the new Mercury Mistress, car that is so sexy and so responsive, you will definitely want to have sex with it. Then it goes on to show a guy revealing the fleshlight built into the car’s trunk. Hilarity ensues.
So of course the commercial ends and this happens:
Matt: “I bet a woman wrote that. But a lot of men are sitting around going, hey, you know whaaaaat…..?”
I stare at him in silence.
“Cause, you know, I’ve seen some cars I thought were really sexy. ”
I stare harder.
“Uh, as in…I wouldn’t mind having sex with them?”
At this point I swallow my tongue and tell him, “Look, a robotic hooker that looks nothing like anyone we know is one thing, but if you so much as TOUCH our cars I am going to be very cross!”
He laughed, but I could tell. He had thought about it. He was thinking about it then.
If you enjoyed this article, please consider sharing it!
5 Responses to The Yeti is not allowed to go to automobile shows anymore. Ever.
Leave a Reply
A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
I did not say that! I said that there are some cars that on some level I find attractive. That’s different than wanting to sleep in the garage. I mean come on guys, who’s with me? A ’68 Camaro. The McLaren F1. The Lamborghini Reventon. They’ve got something that appeals to us in kinda sorta the same way women appeal to us, visually. Symmetry, curves, and um…headlights.
Women don’t understand it (robot machines are one thing but automobile machines, well that’s just like bestiality) because the only automotive equivalent for them is the Weinermobile!
*spits tea down nose while trying to laugh and breathe at the same time*
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read for a long time – both post AND comment! ROFL!
Ohhhhh sure, it’s hilarious, Jay. Until later that night when he asked me to pretend to be a Maserati and go “vrooom, vrooom” in bed.
And I’m not kidding. : \
Yeti, you know you’re asking for it. And not the good it, either.
People should know that it wasn’t like how she said. I was going to play the dirty mechanic and you were going to play the rare and beautiful Maserati. I was going to go the full 9 yards of role play cliche – offering to check under the hood, recommend a full lube job and a test ride and then make you feel violated when you get my bill. And at least I didn’t ask you to pretend to be a car we both know.
M@
Uh huh. It’s perfectly normal to say you’re going to “top off my fluids” and then what size wrench I’d like for this evening’s “tune-up” — everyone does that. I’m sure.