I had a stomach ache last night. Probably my cooking. Anyhow, I was also in a weird funk. While getting ready for bed I say to Matt, “you come here often?” in my most alluring and slightly creepy perv voice. He laughed me off. Later, I say, “If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?” He laughed me off again. I’m now down with an aching tummy and a stinging sense of rejection.
But he rebounds.
He begins doing a little striptease for me. He rips off his shirt. He flexes his muscles. He looks at me with that, “Come hither” stare….I laugh and laugh and laugh. Then, I’m begging him to stop.
“PLEASe, PLEASE! I can’t take anymore. My stomach hurts. Don’t make me laugh anymore! I’ve got a tummy ache dammit!”
To which he so cleverly replies,
“Does your stomach hurt? Cause you’ve been doing the worm through my dreams all night.”
In case you don’t know what “The Worm” is….allow me:
I know, right? Dead Sexy. Too bad my tummy exploded from laughing so hard and I couldn’t even enjoy the sweet, sweet sexin’ that was sure to happen after that line.
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
Wonder if the yeast could cause you problems? Was that you doing the worm?
Yes, the yeast was the culprit. I tried it again and they came out well this time.
And, no, that’s not me. I cribbed it from YouTube. If you type in “the Worm” you’d be amazed at what you can see….whether you want to or not.