Tonight while getting ready for bed the saddest thought crossed my mind. I had a sudden, unexplained vision of Kaileb as a baby, scooting across a hardwood floor, one sock on and a diaper. That’s it. Nothing else. His hair was much blonder and he still had chubby little baby cheeks. He was maybe just a little over one. Singing along to some imaginary song in his head, drooling a little, doing a little dance. He thought no one was watching. I was always watching. I watch still.
That was it. Just that one, lonely, solitary little thought. It was gone as quickly as it came, but the memory of it lingered on. It knocked around in my head like a ghost haunting my thoughts. It bothered me. Instead of filling me with the logical warmth and happy remembrance, it brought me low. Not because it wasn’t a happy moment.
It was.
There were so many.
There will be many more. But it’s not the same. That moment, that one, unique moment is now gone. It will never come again. I will never again see my boy that way. Only in my head. Only in my memories.
Did I appreciate it when I had it, that moment? I hope I did. I hope I smiled and cherished it. I hope I gave him as many good memories. I hope I was really in the moment, at that moment. I hope I was feeling it, instead of just witnessing it. But now it’s gone. Just another moment of millions of other moments that passed by too soon. I can’t ever have it back. I can’t pay enough money. I can’t beg enough. I’m helpless against the passage of time and nothing I do will change the fact that that moment will never be again. It’s gone. Do you hear me? Gone.
It made my eyes leak a little. I’m not going to lie.
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
How many times have I written “I know how you feel”? We all have those treasured moments tucked away somewhere. You describe them so well.
Next stop Grandchildren
Isn’t it strange that I’m already looking forward to grandbabies? Most people equate it with getting old, but when I think about it I think about holding a little one on my lap, spoiling them rotten, getting all those little joys back, at least a little bit.