I saw a Twix bar today that said you could win $10,000 and a trip to Las Vegas. The first thing I thought about was the fact that I was in Las Vegas and the people in Las Vegas who win this contest must be pissed. It’s like they only win half a prize.
My second thought was, “Wait. Just who wins these things??”
Nearly every product out there has these marketing schemes, from cars to candy bars. Win a thousand dollars a week for life if you buy Coke. Win a new Mustang if you buy a carrot. Eat at Joe’s and win a free liposuction. As far as marketing potential goes, I get it.
But who the hell wins all these contests? I’ve never once seen any follow up on it. Have you ever looked in the paper to see “Local man wins twenty million and an Asian bride for opening Pepsi can”? Have you ever actually known anyone who has won one of these contests? I haven’t.
“Hey, that’s a cool Rolex.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty sweet. I got it out of a box of Cheerios.”
That’s never once happened to me. Not even a little bit. What does this mean? Does it mean these contests are all scams? Is anyone keeping track? What if they’re all LYING to us — a strange thought for a greedy marketing department, I know — and we just keep buying all this shit because we think we might actually win something?
Think about it. Have you ever bought one product over another because of the allure of a million dollars, or maybe even just a pair of movie tickets? I mean, all things being equal – price, taste, convenience, whatever – if you were indifferent to it all, wouldn’t you pick the product with the promotion? I would think so. Human nature seems to suggest so.
If they aren’t lying and they are actually awarding all these fabulous prizes, where are the winners? Do they have to go into hiding? Do they have to sign confidentiality clauses stating they will never speak of their winnings? If so, wouldn’t their friends, neighbors and family get suspicious? Wouldn’t they be all like, “Hey, where did you get the money for that giant mansion and Rolls Royce in your driveway? You work at Sonic Burger.” ?? Wouldn’t it get out somehow?
And that doesn’t make sense anyway because why would a marketing company DO that? They wouldn’t. They would want to get every inch of mileage out of the promotion before having to pay for another one. They would not shut up about it before, during, or after.
“We’re Twix! We’re made of chocolate and caramel! We awarded a 15 year old girl a new Ford Taurus twenty years ago!”
Seriously. They would exploit that shit.
So, I’m asking you? Who the hell ever wins $10,000 and a trip to Vegas from a candy bar?
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2 Responses to I’ll take you to the candy shop.
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A Woman's Manifesto
Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.
Man Vs. Heart Attack
I am somewhat worried about the dude on Man v Food. He isn’t looking so good these days and putting that food away like that can’t be good for him.
My aunt won a trip for two to Florida with a visit to Disney World/land (whichever one is there). Unfortunately, there was a hurricaine while she was there so they flew them home first class.
A long time ago tickets to a Black Sabbath concert in New York was the prize in an English local newspaper. Someone won it, but his parents bought the prize off him and didn’t even bother to turn up to the concert.
So people do sort of win.
We celebrate when we get our money back from a scratch card – that can’t be right…
I’ve known a couple of winners, but only of the lottery. Other than Publisher’s Clearinghouse (which I used to send in regularly for my parents after carefully folding and tearing up the perforated sheet of subscription stamps because that was a satisfying thing) where Ed Mcmahon would show up at someone’s door I never saw a marketed winner. He never showed up at our door either. You’re right. What’s going on here?