A boy who went to school with my boys died this weekend. This is new for us.  I’ve been blessed in that the most significant death the boys have had to deal with thus far was our beloved Roofie Doo. That was hard enough.

Jacob found out about it first, but he didn’t really know the boy that well. The news was delivered to Caleb rather callously, but not on purpose. He just didn’t realize the boy and Caleb were good friends.

I saw a cloud pass over Caleb’s face as soon as he heard. I was sitting next to him and he slumped a little in his seat. I could see him wrestling with it. He said nothing. He just stared out the window. But his breath caught a little in his throat and I got a chill. He turned only once to look me in the eyes, almost imploringly. I studied his face.

“Did you know him, Caleb?”
“He was my friend.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“He was really nice.”

This exchange was drowned out by the ruckus of 6 boys all vying for the floor. Then he turned his head away again.

He cried a little. Only a little. His face was turned away because it wouldn’t do to be 15 and crying in front of your older brother and your 4 cousins — all boys, through and through.

It stung me that I was driving when it happened. It angered me that I couldn’t help without making it worse. I said nothing. I drove on and tried to radiate waves of comfort his way.

When we got home later that night he got on the phone to a mutual friend to get the full story of what happened. He got the story and then came into the kitchen.

“It was meningitis. He had a seizure and just died.”
“I’m really sorry buddy, do you need a hug?”

He scoffed at that and said, “NO!” as if it were the most ludicrous thing he had ever heard. The very idea!

So I said, “Then….can I have one?”

He looked at me for half a second, a mixture of hope and suspicion stamped across his face. Then he stepped toward me and wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged. He hugged hard. He hugged me as if he were the only thing tethering me to the earth. I responded in kind and whispered that I loved him. I have to tilt my head up to do this now. My boy is growing up so fast.

She said with a heavy heart.

Still, at least he is growing up. I simply cannot imagine what that boy’s family is going through right now. My heart goes out to them and I hope against all hope they have some peace soon. For some moments in life there are no words.